Thinking About Thinking

End or the beginning?

2011-05-30T22:40:00.002+01:00

...and now the time is near........I did it my way!

3 years of my degree are now complete to be celebrated in a Final Year Show for all who are interested enough to come and see what I've managed to produce.

I would like to say I am brimming with enthusiasm, excitement and ready to embrace my new found vocation. Would like to but I'm not.

The striving is done and has now become replaced by numbness, too much adrenaline to sit still and the feeling of being a 'lost little lamb' left out in the field on it own.

What next? Where now?

I have put my name forward as being interested in several residencies and opportunities but I won't hold my breath knowing how sometimes its more 'who you know' but maybe I am being a tad skeptical - we'll see.

I only know this:

I have worked damn hard.

I have grown and progressed over the three years (a lot).

I am beginning to understand what drives my work.

I am happy with what I have achieved.

I am VERY proud of my degree show, awards or no awards, regardless of classification.

Oh yes and one more thing:

I am exhausted...........

............but still can't help thinking of new, as yet, unrealised projects.

It may be the end of the BA (Hons) Fine and Applied Art but it is also a start to something new - what? - that is yet to be known.

I did it my way!

2009-05-15T00:16:00.013+01:00

Well......the time has come that all my Artwork is completed, the marks are in and believe it or not, I am actually through to 2nd year in the BA (Hons) Fine and Applied Art @ University of Ulster (Belfast).

It has been a long, long, and very stressful year full of 'challenges', and empty promises. The resources are few, emotional commitment intense, and blood, sweat and many tears have been spilt.

Semester Two (Jan-May) was particularly difficult as I endured bullying, experienced apathy, selfishness and a 'I'm alright Jack' sort of attitude.

Recently I am becoming all too aware that a great proportion of people have lost the ability of see past the end of their own nose, focusing on only their needs, and existence. I have spent most of the week helping the 3rd year students get ready for their degree show in June. All the 1st and 2nd year students were supposed to help but a few actually turned up. I used to get so mad at things like this and especially as the 2nd years will expect to get help for their show but didn't turn up to help anyone else! Seems a bit selfish and not conducive to a sense of 'team' between the different years.

However, I am more focused on making sure I do what I think is right and what God would expect of me, regardless of what anyone else is doing. I am also realising to identify and eliminate sources of sin in my life and try harder at rectifying these areas rather than make excuses for my flimsy self-control. I am not doing this for any other reason other than trying to become more like the design God always had for me and be prepared for the future fulfilling my 'Kingdom Purpose'.

I have said many times on my blog that I am not perfect but now I am at least committed to really trying and doing what I can to rid myself of strongholds and legal opportunities I have given over to the enemy, so that I can be fully and totally Gods.

I have also been learning to stand up and be counted as I campaign for better resources and facilities for the art students and am becoming integrated into the process of change. I am becoming known with the tutors and management of the University due to the willingness to be vocal about concerns that other people are afraid to voice. It has been empowering but has also painting a rather large target on my back and also increased my visibility on the 'radar'. I have also been realising that I am being called, by God, to develop a greater sense of integrity in this role and my own conduct as a witness to others.

Every time I think about how much better I am doing (at the moment) I have to remind myself to keep a check on my pride too! Phew! This is so hard work!

But like a recent podcast I was listening to said "Gonna be worth it".

I went to Sunday School at Portadown Salvation Army as a kid and we often sang this song. I love it, it's one of my favourites and have quoted it on here before. The words are:

To be like Jesus, this hope possesses me,

In every thought and deed, this is my aim my creed,

To be like Jesus, this hope possesses me,

His Spirit helping me, like Him I'll be.

That pretty much sums it up for me.

I probably will mess things up but with God's grace I hope to fail less, gain a higher understanding of who I am, who I will be (in God's plan for me) and to become closer in relationship with God.

These are some of my pictures for my final display. These are only 6 out of 1,200 I took this semester but I think they go well together.

Love and blessings xx

Apologies for the images not being great but I was in a rush and trying to finish the write-up and was snapping them as I was getting kicked out of the studios so the tutors could assess the work!! Also, the cubes contain physical debris from the area the images where taken.

All over again!

2008-12-11T21:09:00.015Z

After what seems like forever I put all my work for the last 12 months on my desk. I arranged it all nicely last Friday but didn't like it.

I had 2 projects -

1) SELF MAP - 8 wks
What influences / impacts your art?
What artists you like?
What motivates you?
etc

2) SITE MAP - 3 wks
A site specific project.

I really enjoyed the SELF MAP as I could use things that were important to me.
I decided to allow my instincts to drive the progress and not structure and organise it rigidly.

I created a sculpture which was a small box, coloured and immersed in resin.

I cross sectioned the cube and spent HOURS sanding and polishing it.
The initial box had several windows cut out which were purposely misaligned.

This was to signify how as people we can never see the complete person, only what that person chooses to show us. In a sense a section of who they really are according to a number of factors.
The window they allow us to look through at that given time.

Factors are numerous and included such things as Mood, Season where they are in their life, impacts and influences (neg + pos), etc.......

I also included emotions in the box started with red for anger but went off at a tangent!

The inside both from the textures of the original box and also the finish of the resin are in contrast to each other. I wanted to use this to demonstrate the heart and intentions (inside) of a person can be very different from how they portray themselves (due to insecurities, fear, defense mechanisms). We all wear masks to different levels in order to find our acceptance in our friends, family etc. It takes a really strong person now to feel insecure without their mask.

I spent HOURS and HOURS re-doing the sanding of the resin, cutting tracks for the rods which would hold together the sculpture (would look like an exploded view of a cube to enable the inside and outside to be visible), only to chat with one of my tutors and change my mind!!!!!! AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

Seriously, repetitive strain with all the sanding and polishing!

Now I am going to stage it differently in a minimalist way in order to draw the viewer into it and figure out the pieces fit together themselves. So, have a look at the before and after and see what you think ...............

It's a big of a crappy picture and doesn't show the colour very well. It's a good job I am not doing photography!!!

(Detailed)

The original configuration was to stage all the blocks in a cube but with spaces between each block.

Perverts and Nutters?

2008-11-26T22:58:00.005Z

Since joining the grand old (and I mean OLD) University of Ulster Art studios, I have discovered that quite a bit of art is based around the topic of sex. One of the most controversal artists at the moment has based his entire new collection on a series of photographs from the set of a Danish pornographer.

Believe me he leaves NOTHING to imagination. He was featured in last months big art review magazine so it seems that his work has caused quite a bit of good PR for him.

Also, my area (sculpture) is linked into Lens Based Media (photography), Timed-Based Media (Video, installation and performance art). It seems I am coming across more and more performance art and it seems like the party trick is to 'engage' with the medium totally naked. I guess the concept is to relate to the art in pure form without the 'barrier' of clothes. It slightly worries me that I can actually draw parallels and understand it to even this degree!!!

Installations and performance art are very psychologically based and are head melters in the extreme (in my opinion). I know that I am not drawn to performance art as it would involve me being central rather than in the background. However, regardless of how I try to escape it and avoid it, I know that my work will more than likely travel down the 'Installation' road some time soon.

To me, Sculpture is making an object. Installation art is using the made object to create interaction, reaction and perception. I like the psychological aspect and love the idea of people 'engaging' with my work.

I hope to put some of my work up on the blog and I hope there is definite signs of progress throughout the next 3 years.